


Starclusters

by uwujii



Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M, star tear disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27401221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwujii/pseuds/uwujii
Summary: They're beautiful, but I can't breathe.They're beautiful, but the colors are fading.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995433
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	Starclusters

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5 (Tier 1, 2 & 3) : Realizations + Hanahaki/Star Disease + "Did you ever love me?"
> 
> Hi! I have a longer and better version of this one! It's this [star clusters? (no, the flowers)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28915305) it's 11.5k words tho :P

"Starcluster? You mean when the stars are in a large group?" Kuroo asked. He was hanging out at Kenma's room, as usual, sitting on the floor with a book in hand. The latter was on his bed, scrolling through his social media.

"No, the flowers," Kenma showed his screen to Kuroo, who put his book down to climb on the bed next to Kenma to get a better look at the said flower on his phone. Kuroo examined the picture, "what about it?"

"Nothing, it looks pretty. Shoyou sent me a picture Yachi-san saw on one of her trips with her mom," Kuroo hid his frown at the mention of Hinata by smirking. He then saw a notification pop up on top of the screen; he turned away and crawled off the bed, "he just texted, better check. He's coming here with Yamaguchi, right?"

"Oh, yeah," Kenma went to check on the message, and Kuroo proceeded to go through his book, his back facing the boy on the bed, a way to hide the frustrated look on his face. But he couldn't concentrate anymore; jealousy was distracting him.

"Kuro," Kenma called from the bed, but Kuroo only hummed in response, eyes not leaving the page he's been staring at for five minutes. "I'm going out to meet Shoyou, you wanna come?"

Jealousy was bubbling in his chest, but he suppressed it with another smirk, "it's okay, you go have fun with chibi-chan. Did Tsukki come with them?"

It was Kenma's turn to frown at the mention of Tsukishima, but one that Kuroo didn't see; he still had his eyes stuck on his book. "Yeah, you have his number, right?" He took a jacket from his closet and put it on; he saw Kuroo nod.

"Alright, I'll go first. Just lock up when you leave," Kenma told him. It wasn't like Kuroo hasn't been alone in his room. It was like his second home anyway; he even had a key. "Have fun~" Kuroo finally looked up from his book to give him a wide grin. It made Kenma smile and nod at him.

When Kuroo was left alone in Kenma's room, he put the book down on the floor and waited until he heard the sound of the door shut downstairs. He was left with his thoughts. He didn't plan to ask Tsukishima to go out; he tried to test if Kenma would say something against it.

But he didn't.

—

Kuroo and Kenma had been best friends for the longest time. They hung out even when they were in different grades, they shared houses, shared secrets, and even when they fought, they still stuck together.

And for the longest time, they painfully pinned for each other.

Kuroo had always liked Kenma ever since they became friends and his feelings grew with them. He was in love with his setter, but he didn't have the guts to tell him. He just kept showing him how he felt but never really said it out loud.

Kenma was the same. When he heard Kuroo defend him to his parents when they wanted Kuroo to force him to play something that wasn't video games, he knew he'd eventually like him more than just a friend. He was right; now, he was in love with his captain.

It was cruel to the Nekoma team, really. Everyone saw how hard they mutually pinned, and even when they tried to get them together, either of the boys would get shy or not understand what was happening. Many times, Yaku had no mercy when he was frustrated with both of them but took it out on Lev and Kuroo only.

But then, Kenma met Hinata, and now all Kenma talked about was him. Kuroo never said anything against it. He was happy when Kenma talked about something else other than video games and being tired of volleyball.

He was happy for him. He was.

He first felt the feeling of jealousy when Kenma wouldn't talk to him because he was talking to Hinata for two hours straight, ignoring any advancement that Kuroo did.

The second was when Kenma was telling another story of whatever the hell Hinata told him about. Kuroo tried his best to hide the annoyed look that threatened to show on his face.

And then, everything progressed into him getting annoyed at every single thing he heard about Hinata, but he was the master of hiding something behind his mischievous grin. Kenma never noticed.

Well, that's what Kuroo knew.

Kenma noticed whenever his grin was fake, and it was getting constant. Kenma was worried, possibilities of why Kuroo was always faking his genuine smiles towards him running through his mind. Most of the time, his logic was clouded by panic and worry.

He ended up deducting it into thinking that Kuroo was getting tired of him.

His conclusion was backed up with him always hanging out with Tsukishima when he was in Tokyo when they had the chance, especially after the training camp. Kenma felt jealous; obviously, it was like someone else was stealing his doting nerd of a best friend.

He hated feeling jealous of something so stupid, but Kuroo was always talking about Tsukishima and how their day went when they hung out, even though Bokuto and Akaashi were there with them. Even when they texted, Kuroo would tell him about it. Eventually, everything was about Tsukishima.

Kenma hated it.

There had always been something going on with Kenma and Kuroo; they both knew that they had feelings for each other, that they _loved_ each other. But they were too scared to make the first move. That 'something' was always so strong, and it seemed to be unbreakable, but then, the Karasuno middle blockers entered their lives.

Doubts started to form, jealousy got worse, and they were farther from confessing to each other.

—

Kenma arrived home and saw that no one was home yet. He assumed Kuroo was still out with Tsukishima, or that he was at home, so he went to get changed and set up a game for him to spend hours on.

But as he played, he got hungry. He groaned and unconsciously patted his side, expecting to grab Kuroo's leg to get him to get something from the kitchen. He blinked, looking at the blank space on his bed where Kuroo usually was.

"Right, he's with Tsukishima," he could hear him losing, but he didn't move, not bothering to pause his game. He just stared at the space with a frown. The past few months were just filled with constant frowns and fake smiles, half of them by Kuroo, and a half from Kenma.

He finally turned his game off and put his controller to the side, and laid on his bed, staring at his ceiling, "wonder if he really is tired of me," he sighed, rolling to his side to hug his knees.

His chest was starting to hurt. His mind went through the possibilities again, Kuroo would get tired of him, and they wouldn't hang out together anymore. They wouldn't be able to do things they usually did anymore.

He was going to be replaced by Tsukishima soon.

He figured it was the gaming, maybe his lack of interest in volleyball, or how he always told him rude remarks. There were so many possibilities as to why Kuroo was acting the way he was.

He couldn't help but think that it was something to do with him. That it was because of how he was.

Maybe he didn't love him anymore.

Maybe it was because Kenma didn't speak up first.

Maybe Kuroo was tired of waiting.

He felt tears fall from the corner of his eyes, but something was wrong; there was a sound somewhere in his room. Kenma sat up, tears still slowly falling on the sides of his face, spooked by the sound.

It sort of sounded like shushed twinkling.

He looked around; maybe Kuroo was playing a prank on him. But he found no rooster head, so he wiped his tears before checking on what was happening, but as soon as he wiped them off, and his tears had stopped, so did the noise.

He looked down at his hands.

_Pink?_

—

Kuroo noticed Kenma acting weird that week, and he was nothing but worried about him. But he couldn't bring himself to ask, afraid that it was something about Hinata. He didn't want to hear that, so he let Kenma be and gave him space.

He gave Kenma a week to be alone, he wasn't sure what he did was right, but he wasn't sure of anything anymore. He hated hearing about Hinata so much that he thought it was better to just ignore him like that; besides, it was like they were hitting it off with how Kenma was frantically texting on his phone.

Within that week, all he thought of was Kenma not having feelings for him anymore. That maybe his feelings were now towards Hinata, and not him. That Hinata was better at making him happy than him. He knew the other reason why he was ignoring Kenma, it because he was afraid to face his assumptions, feelings, and worries.

He didn't want to one day have a conversation about their feelings. Of how Kenma had lost feelings because Kuroo didn't have the guts to tell him first. That Kenma couldn't wait anymore.

Kuroo's chest kept hurting whenever he thought of Kenma and Hinata; he didn't know why it did; he assumed it was just his heart breaking. He let his chest hurt, and he let Kenma be alone.

Two things he shouldn't have done.

Because during blocking practice the next week, Kuroo was suddenly in a coughing fit when he landed. Kenma wasn't there because he had made up a reason not to. There was a lot of gasping, Yaku running towards him and yelling for their coach, blood, and red starclusters.

—

"Kenma, you have star tear disease," the doctor told him. Kenma stared at him in surprise, "what's that?"

"It's formed by unrequited love. The symptoms are the tears with colors and the twinkles you said you heard. With every colored tear, your ability to see them will soon cease. There is no cure but having the person you love reciprocate your feelings." Kenma focused on one thing, _unrequited love._

That's right, Kuroo didn't love him anymore.

Kenma covered his face, he knew tears were coming, and sounds of shushed twinkling were back, and he slowly looked up at the pink hydrangeas on the doctor's table, and to his tears beginning to add more colors to the mix.

"They're beautiful," he mumbled, then looked up at the once vibrant hydrangea, "but the color's fading."

—

"You have Hanahaki, Kuroo," A doctor in a different room in the same hospital Kenma was in, said. "By the way the flowers have accumulated in your lungs. They've been there for about a month." Kuroo wasn't sure if he was to think about the flowers in his lungs or the fact that he had to— "you have to go through surgery this week, you'll suffocate."

He absolutely had no say in this.

He was about to speak when his chest started to hurt, and his throat itched. He started coughing out red starclusters, luckily, no blood this time. "Please get some rest. I'll call your guardian to pick you up by tonight."

"Okay, thank you," Kuroo nodded, his head still unable to wrap the fact that he had Hanahaki, an illness for people who experience unrequited love. He chuckled at the thought; it was fitting.

Kenma didn't love him anymore, anyway.

He began to cough up more flowers just at the thought of Kenma. He saw the flowers, they were beautiful, but Kuroo couldn't breathe. He didn't even think of how he was going to tell him.

So, he didn't.

—

Kenma eventually found out on the day of his surgery.

He rushed to the hospital; he was mad and worried. So many things went through his mind, but he had no time to think about it. When he found his room, he slammed it open, heavily panting.

"Kuro!"

Kuroo was on his hospital bed, looking tired and distant. The surgery was over; Kenma was too late. "Kenma," his voice was raspy, and it already brought tears to Kenma's eyes.

It was worse because the blue blanket draped over Kuroo wasn't blue to him anymore; it was grey. Their eyes met, and Kenma noticed that everything but Kuroo's hazel eyes had no more color. He wondered for a split second if it was the last color he'll be able to see.

Because he'd cried all the colors when Kuroo left him all alone, he cried every night Kuroo avoided him, confirming his assumptions and causing him to lose more and more colors every day.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Guilt was written all over Kuroo's tired face, and tears started to stream down Kenma's, the shushed twinkling heard by the both of them. "What's that sound?" Kuroo asked instead of answering Kenma's question.

Kenma gave him a look, and he knew he had to answer, "I didn't think you needed to know."

His answer made Kenma's heart hurt, and colorful tears continue to fall from his face, but most of them he couldn't see anymore. Kuroo only watched the beautiful but painful tears streaming down Kenma's face.

"I'm your best friend! What the fuck do you mean I didn't _need_ to know!" Kenma rose his voice, and he never raised his voice. It made Kuroo flinch, "you had Hinata, anyway," he mumbled. Kenma heard, and he stared wide-eyed at him, "Shoyou?"

"Yeah, I figured you started to like him or love him even. I didn't think this was a big deal. I," Kuroo paused for a second, "I don't have feelings for you anymore, so I didn't think it would matter if you and Hinata ended up together. It would hurt le—"

"You selfish prick, I love you!" Kenma yelled at him, cutting him off. Kuroo blinked, surprised and terrified that Kenma was yelling at him, but he was irritated by being called selfish.

"I did this for you. All you talked about was Hinata. Shoyou this, Shoyou that, you wouldn't even look at me because you were busy talking to him. Frantically texting him during practice like you depended on him as much as you did me. If I still had feelings for you, and you ended up with Hinata, my stupid feelings would be in the way, and I'd never be happy for you. I didn't want that. I did what I had to do; it was my only option," Kuroo told him. He couldn't raise his voice yet because of his surgery.

But Kenma could still yell, "I talked to Shoyou about you, dammit! You always talked about Tsukishima like he was the most interesting person in the world, and he'd make you much happier than I ever could! Tsukki this, Tsukki that, you wouldn't shut up about him! And then you ignored me for almost two weeks, and you wouldn't let me set for you, practice blocking, walk home with me, visit my room, ask me to come to yours, we never hung out anymore. We rarely have recently, and I assumed I was going to get replaced soon! That's—" Kenma paused, his tears were still falling from his eyes. He took one last look at Kuroo's hazel eyes, quickly fading.

"That's why I have this," he finished, gesturing to the tears in his eyes. He blinked and took a look at Kuroo's eyes; hazel was gone. Every color was gone. Just black and white. "I have star tear disease. The same thing, unrequited love caused it," he told him with a calm but tired tone this time, wiping away the tears.

Kuroo couldn't say anything; he didn't know what to say. It was getting too silent again, the shushed twinkles filling the silence while they waited for one of them to speak up. It was Kenma.

"Did you ever love me like I did, Kuroo?"

This time, Kuroo could answer.

"I did, every single day of my life."

The two of them were silent again, but this was filled with pain and regret. There was nothing to help them now; it was too late. Kuroo had gotten surgery already, and Kenma was finally color blind. No confession would reverse the effects of surgery and colorblindness. 

**Author's Note:**

> oop i feel its rushed? or D: aaaaaa


End file.
